If you support and accompany a loved one (parent, spouse, sibling, child, friend, grandparent) living with a chronic illness, disability, mental health or substance abuse disorder, you are what we call a caregiver. In Quebec, one in three people is a caregiver.
This role may include responsibilities related to the person’s safety, medication, day-to-day management (e.g. meals, errands, hygiene), listening and comforting, crisis support, and so on.
It can be very demanding at times when your loved one isn’t well, lighter at other times, and even have its advantages, such as the development of empathy, a strong bond with your loved one, maturity and self-confidence.
On the other hand, you need to be careful, because this type of responsibility can have consequences on your studies and your well-being, such as social isolation, increased stress, financial impact and even sometimes leading to dropping out of school. So you may feel a little lost in all these responsibilities, not sure whether you’re doing too much or too little. It’s normal to feel this way. Here are some suggestions for coping with the situation during your studies.
Inform your teacher of the situation as soon as possible
If possible, discuss the situation with your teachers at the beginning of the session. You can think beforehand about what you need to do to pass your courses, so that you can mention them at the same time. This way, if you experience more difficult and stressful moments during the year, you won’t have to add the disclosure of your situation to them. You can do this by staying after class, dropping by her office, or by e-mail if you prefer.
Set limits and keep time for yourself
One thing that’s crucial for all caregivers is setting limits. Why should you? It can be demanding to support or worry about someone over a long period of time, even more so when there’s cohabitation involved. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back. This doesn’t mean you completely withdraw from the situation. To be able to take care of the other person, you also need to take care of yourself. Try to remember what you used to do to decompress before you had so many responsibilities. Moments of pleasure and time just for yourself will help you recharge your batteries. You can also agree with your loved one on times during the day when you’re only available for emergencies.
Surround yourself
As far as possible, don’t deal with the situation alone, and don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether from organizations, friends or family. It’s no longer a taboo subject: there are plenty of caregivers out there, and there will be even more in the years to come. It’s normal to say: “ I can’t do it, I need help please ”.
References
Centre d’innovation en santé mentale sur les campus. (2020). Caring for young caregiver.
Regroupement des aidantes et des aidants naturels de Montréal et d’AMI-Québec. (2024). KARE | Le magazine des jeunes proches aidants (amiquebec.org)
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