Supporting someone in difficulty

There are several signs that can raise concerns. Is the person …

• • Losing touch with friends and becomes increasingly isolated?

• • Showing acute signs of sadness or cries incessantly?

• • Has trouble sleeping? Confuses night and day?

• • Eats less and less, or all the time?

• • Changes their drinking or substance use habits?

• • Fumbles for words, expresses themselves with difficulty and speaks incomprehensibly?

• • Has trouble concentrating when watching TV, watching a movie, or reading a book?

• • Forgets to do their daily chores?

• • Can’t follow a conversation and seems completely absent?

• • Hears voices or sees things you can’t hear or see?

• • Acts strangely, feels spied on and watched?

If you observe more than one significant change in the person’s behaviours, emotions, and judgment, it’s time to discuss the situation with them.

It’s normal to be unsure of how to proceed, as discussing mental health and personal difficulties can make some people feel uncomfortable, nervous, or embarrassed.  While you don’t have to be an advocate to deal with this type of situation, it’s a good idea to be prepared. Here are a few tips:

Stay calm. If you’re emotional, you may have trouble thinking clearly. You can also write down what you want to say in advance, to help you get your ideas straight and communicate your message.

Share your observations without judgment. Bear in mind that the person may not have realized that they have changed or may think that those around them haven’t noticed. Talk about what you see and feel. You could say: “I’ve noticed ‘X’ since ‘Y’ happened. I care about you, and it worries me to see you like this. Would you like to talk about it?”

Welcome emotions. Don’t deny the emotions the person is sharing with you, they are real. Avoid lecturing them or telling them that all they have to do is take their mind off it and it will pass. This will only serve to put pressure on them or feed a feeling of shame, which could lead them to close up.

Reassurance. Without playing it down, you can agree that it’s normal to feel this way. Remind them that there are solutions and help to get through a difficult period, and that you can help them.

Encourage support. Although you’ve initiated the discussion, not all the support that you offer should be on your shoulders. Try to establish a safety net with your loved one and set limits by saying, “I’m not equipped to handle this…”. For example, you could ask: “Would it help to talk to a professional about what’s going on?” or “Is there a family member or friend we could talk to about this?”

Discuss the situation with another person whomyour loved one respects and with whom they have a good bond. Perhaps this person will also have noticed changes, bring a complementary perspective or be in a better position to address the situation with the person. If necessary, check with your loved one before proceeding.

Find a way of communicating that makes it easier to talk about more tense or delicate subjects. For some, this might mean texting in the evening, or going for a walk or a coffee.

Offer practical help. To strengthen your bond and make the person feel they can count on you, you may want to focus on the services you can provide, such assetting up appointments, finding services or going on errands with them.