Self-esteem is the positive or negative way in which we see ourselves, and our appreciation of our own worth and importance. Self-esteem can be about physical appearance, but it’s not just about that. It also has to do with how we view our skills, academic achievements, sporting or professional accomplishments, social status and so on. This view develops in childhood and evolves with experience throughout our lives. The way we perceive ourselves is often influenced by the way others see us, and shapes our well-being, our emotions, and our relationships.
4 pillars of self-esteem
Ideally, we want to move towards a vision of ourselves that is fair and proud of who we are and what we can achieve. Four 4 pillars define self-esteem:
- Self-confidence is built around the skills we recognize in ourselves to get through life’s challenges. The more a person feels secure, loved, and that their needs are being met, the more their confidence will grow, and they’ll be able to step out of their comfort zone to experience new things.
- Identity is knowledge of oneself, one’s characteristics, abilities, needs and feelings. Identity is developed through exchanges and experiences with those around us.
- The feelings of belonging that comes from being part of one or more groups (family, friends, neighbourhood, study program or association). This feeling is expressed by the fact that we feel we can contribute to this group, and that we become attached to people with whom we share the same reality or common goals.
- The feeling of competence represents the fact of being motivated to achieve challenges that are realistic and having the confidence to succeed. This feeling develops through a variety of learning experiences. This sense of efficacy is developed through a variety of learning experiences.
SELF-ESTEEM AND BODY IMAGE
Body image is the perception we have of our physical appearance, what we believe we project and how we feel in our body. Some people strongly link their self-esteem to their body image and talk harshly about their body.
Being constantly dissatisfied with one’s body image can generate its share of psychological, physical, and relational problems, and in some cases lead to the development of an eating disorders. It can be very difficult to live every day with a small, dissatisfied and demanding inner voice that compares us to ideals… that don’t even exist! If you feel that your relationship with your image and food is taking up too much space in your life and affecting your health, it’s important to seek support as soon as the first signs appear.
Self-esteem and feelings of competence
Common in higher education, somes students who, despite their high performance, continually doubt themselves and fear that, despite their successes, they will be discovered to be incompetent or less intelligent than others. This is known as impostor syndrome. These people generally have low self-esteem and tend to adopt the following behaviours:
- Attribute their success to luck or timing rather than skill.
- Working extremely hard or putting unhealthy pressure on themselves.
- Deny their skills and refuse compliments.
- They feel inadequate and that they don’t belong.
This type of behavior is also more common among first-generation students, as they evolve in an academic environment whose codes and implicit expectations they are less familiar with. Without a family role model who has followed a similar path, they may feel under pressure, or at odds with their peers, and doubt their ability to pursue and succeed in higher education.
Strategies to free yourself from impostor phenomenon
- Identify the thoughts and feelings: Name it to thame it
- Talk about it: Reconize you’re not alone and that the imposter phenomenon is common.
- Challenge negative thoughts: Highlight accomplishments, celebrate successes and be clear about your strengths as well as area for development.
- Reframe:
- Understand how systemic inequalities can induce feelings of imposterism
- Broaden your understanding of the phenomenon to be less self-centered
- Focus on achieving positive outcomes rather than trying to avoid negative outcomes.
- Connect with others
- Connect with peer and colleagues to share your challenges
- Seek out role models and mentor.
HOW TO BOOST SELF-ESTEEM ?
Self-esteem is not fixed in time, and there are days when it’s not so easy. It’s normal not to like yourself all the time. You can also love yourself and want to improve at the same time. That said, there are certain signs that your self-esteem could benefit from nurturing. For example, if you worry a lot about your image, you feel excluded or different from others, you don’t tolerate criticism well or you stay in situations in which you don’t feel good.
The good news is that self-esteem can be worked on! But it doesn’t happen overnight, and it can take time to build.
Here are a few tips to help you maintain a positive attitude towards yourself. It’s not magic, but reminding yourself of these elements daily can help you move towards acceptance of yourself as a whole person.
- You have every right to be proud of yourself. Build on your strengths, celebrate your achievements, and accept compliments.
- Be yourself in the way you present yourself to others. Although there may be a gap between who you are and who you’d like to be, it’s by accepting who you really are and presenting yourself with your strengths and challenges that you can nurture and grow your self-esteem. On the contrary, feigning an ideal self will make you feel empty, hypocritical, and insecure. You’re you, you’re unique, and that’s the way it should be.
- When faced with criticism or failure, take a step back. This will enable you to ask yourself what you can learn from the situation, and how you can use the experience to evolve, change a behavior or love yourself more.
- Surround yourself with inspiring and empowering people who respect and love you for who you are. This also applies to the pages and personalities you follow on social networks. Make sure they make you feel good.
- Think of yourself as a whole person. You’re not just your body, you’re not just a medal, you’re not just a diploma.
Self-compassion to nurture self-esteem
Like self-esteem, self-compassion is a concept linked to self-perception. A person who practices self-compassion develops a more stable and resilient self-esteem, less dependent on the gaze of others. But how? Showing self-compassion consists in granting oneself benevolence and understanding in the face of failure or imperfections. Rather than judging oneself harshly, it encourages an attitude of kindness towards oneself, recognizing that to err is human. Take a look at this article to find out more about this concept and how to practice it.
Services at your institution?
If you’re looking for professional help, most cegeps and universities offer a variety of support services for their students. Take a look at this page to find out what’s available at your institution.
Références
Tel-Jeunes. (2023) C’est quoi l’estime de soi?
Tout le monde à des bas. (2021) 6 façons de cultiver l’estime de soi
Université de Sherbrooke. (2019) Estime de soi
Centre d’innovation en santé mentale sur les campus. Le phénomène de l’imposteur
Gouvernement du Québec. (2023) Image corporelle
Jeunesse j’écoute. (2023) Qu’est-ce que l’image corporelle et pourquoi cette notion est-elle importante ?
Université McGill (2023). Autocompassion : accordez-vous un moment de répit
Crédits
Illustration : Mario Fontaine
Contribution to the article :
- France Landry, psychologist
- Isabelle Queval, psychologist
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